"Whom the Son sets free is free indeed..."
I sang those words, grateful to be just a face in the congregation for once, not a button-pusher, not assigned to work on any crew, but to just sit and be. So I chose a seat in the back, because I knew that this sacred time would mean something to me. As I sang the words, I knew that I needed those words. I needed that adoration and awe to be flowing through my body, making my hands shake and my heart beat fast. I needed the tears to be released, unafraid to be vulnerable and be moved.
Especially now. You know when nothing seems right? When you don't even like yourself, can't figure out how to love yourself. When you're tired of the person you are and can't figure out how anything in your flawed existence could ever be worth loving. When you can't face yourself anymore because you can't bear to sit with who you've become, your failings, your affinity for messing things up. When you're unconvinced that there's anything good in you. As you loose the battle, as you loose hope that there will be ever be anything other this.
When you've reached the end, the lowest you can go. And then He says...
I sing over you, I rejoice over you, I died, over
. Don't you dare for one second think think that any bone in your body, any last part of you, was not worth loving. Once you weren't and
now you are
. Because you are covered in blood and sacrifice. And that is beautiful, child.
The greatest battle of all time was for your soul. I spent my life and my death fighting for you, so that you could receive love at the Source, the most perfect and purest there ever will be. Don't let who you think you are, or who you think you're not, keep you from Me. You are Mine and that means you are wrapped in perfect love, protected even from yourself. And you don't need to protect Me from who you are. I am always running toward you, arms wide open, rescuing you with a Love so fierce you will never understand it. And I like it that way.
Those failings, those flaws, those times you wish you could be stronger, that pressure you put on yourself to be something better, something of worth, that gets heavy. And that's a load you were never meant to carry.
All you can see is what you're not, when all you need to see is all I AM.
I died to not only show you your worth, but to give you worth. I died so you would know. Don't let My sacrifice be in vain because you too often forget who you are.
Because you forget that the phrase "not good enough" died on a cross, and the failures you hold onto were beaten into My flesh, and the standards you can't live up to were broken with My body.
Everything in you that is not lovely is gone, if you will leave it buried in the ground. I made you for so much more than digging up skeletons of a past life, more than staying in a coffin of darkness because you feel you don't deserve the light of life. You're right when you say you cannot do this life on your own, but I've covered you in thick, thick grace, in that cocoon of mighty, world-shattering love. And the only way to really get to that place of more is to step in to the love you were created for, the love you were made to wear. I make you radiant, if you only let me. You are free and you can fly, never again to burrow in the ground where yesterday lives.
Never again. I am enough, beloved. I am enough and it is finished.
I was created for this. I was created for this. I was created for this.
"Return to your rest, my soul, for the LORD has been good to you." Psalm 116:7
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